But I didn't feel unattractive - not really. I've had a weight problem since I was a child, and like I said, I'd weighed around 200 for a long while. That's heavy for a just about any woman, especially my 5'3" frame. But I was used to it.I wrote that in the first post, and it's true. I was used to my 200 pound self. But "used to," that is, the variables of comfort, can be complicated.
If you want to lose weight, why? Losing weight has traditionally been associated with physical illness or mental anguish - wasting away. There are some very good reasons to treat yourself for obesity - obesity hurts and kills. In this way, obesity may be seen as an illness.
But obesity is also a lifestyle. One advantage of being fat is that you don't worry too much about what you eat. It's not like you're really trying to lose weight, that is, unless you really start trying. And you can go on a long time with mild discomfort and acceptable limits.
Then there are some more subtle advantages to being fat. For instance, as a woman entertainer, I get a lot of attention. But certain kinds of attention scare me. By being fat, I was able to exclude myself from the sexual attention of a large percentage of men who might otherwise be interested in me as a woman. Lots of men just aren't attracted to heavy women. I've already found my soul mate and life partner. Guys can put a lot of static on your radar when you're a raging heterosexual.
But doesn't that sound sort of childish?
Why yes, Virginia, there is a responsible adult self, competent and able to discern and act with integrity, within you.